he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Randomize
