Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
