Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
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