Got a toothbrush?
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
