Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Randomize
