Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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