Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
