It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
