you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
