is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Randomize
