NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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