I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
she peed on how many people?
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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