I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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