Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Randomize
