47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
