OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
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