What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
