Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
