My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
