also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
