did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
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