So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
