i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
