Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
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