Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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