Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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