everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
