I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Randomize
