So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize