Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Randomize
