the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
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