I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
