shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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