I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
