I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
