honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
