talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize