those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Randomize
