I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
