Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
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