I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
