I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
