3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
i need an iv and a liver transplant
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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