only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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