Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Randomize
