I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
