She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
