maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
