Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
