Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Randomize
