He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
