i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
