I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
