Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize