I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Randomize
