Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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