rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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