I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
But break dance skills will only take you so far
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Randomize
